What most see as greed for indulging in something insignificant had the opposite effect on me. New stationeries! I neither enjoyed playing dolls nor experimented with makeup when I was a tween. I did have my share of toys but somehow they did not fulfill my needs of wanting to create something which directly resulted from my usage of the 'thing'.
Like my peers, I had my weekly allowance and saved on every opportunity I could so that I could spend it on stationeries. I'm not talking about the "Hello Kitty" kind of stationeries that kids wanted to show off to friends to but just simple stationeries to get me through smoothly in my school homework back then. It was after all something that we used on a daily basis, or so I thought at that time.
Many years have since passed; I graduated elementary, high school, college and university. I did not use them on a daily basis and am now left with stationeries I am unable to part with, simply because some are new and some still hold childhood memories for me. But now my taste has expanded into designer stationeries, i.e. Mont Blanc. I appreciate the craftsmanship of their product and yearn to collect their pens. I do own a few but it wouldn't hurt to own more! :-)
These days, I take a peek into the stationery aisle in bookstores just to see any new inventions or trends that have made their way into the education and work desks. My boyfriend teases me each time we pass the stationery aisle and God forbid, I will not get anything from there and somehow I do. So it is not uncanny that I have tons of stationeries that range from pens, pencils, post-its, erasers among other things one can possibly find in the aisle.
My collection of stationeries continue to grow and the justification I give is that the right tools and materials will make a huge difference and impact of the work I present. One can conclude that my excessive indulgence of stationeries has caused me to be stationary, at least in this aisle in a bookstore.
Cheers.
Image via own collection.
What seems enviable to others may actually have disastrous effects on the receivers. I am one of the receivers. I was not born with a silver spoon but life was acceptable growing up. But this article is not about me. It is an article about my observation of my family members who have yet to understand the true value of being a part of a family. I do not claim to know all but at least I know that our short time here is to make a positive difference in the lives of others around us.
I have a love-hate relationship with my father. As a child, I did not realize the implications of his actions towards my mother until I became a woman and truly began to understand the pain of being my mother. Seeing her go through the pains and mistreatment accompanied with emotional abuse and negligence from her husband is disgusting enough to swallow. Who is to be blamed? Should I point my fingers at my grandparents because they did not provide a loving environment for my father when he was a child?
My father was a successful entrepreneur and one would acknowledge that he is capable of treating people with respect. In that sense, I feel my father is accountable for all mistreatment towards my mother. I am further disheartened that this trait has extended to my brother in the way he treats my mother as well. I will dedicate another post for that later.
For a woman who has bore children for her husband, the least she would expect to receive is a little respect. Special care and attention were given throughout her pregnancy but only to be mistreated and dumped by her in-laws after the deliveries. My father followed suit. Needless to say, their actions have incited hatred in mother towards her in-laws. Respect is never given, love is seldom shown.
It is common knowledge that a marriage does not guarantee happiness. It should not equal a loveless marriage either. I vaguely remember the time when some arguments would turn physical. It was not a pretty sight to see, I only remember my mother storming out of the house to cool down. Since then, arguments happened more often and my parents grew further apart as a result of them. I urged her to leave and find a better life for her own. She was a working mother then who had savings that would see her comfortably through her retirement. Why continue to suffer the abuse? Why continue to be taken advantaged of? Why stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of her children?
Every occasion of gathering with families and friends would be acts of rebellion from my mother. What she cannot express in her home is done at these meets. My mother is the type of woman who speaks her mind. She has no qualms of expressing herself if the issues at hand are worthy of making her and those around her have a better quality of life.
I can't deny that being witness to all this abuse has made me shy away from lasting relationships in my life. I have no confidence in weddings, nuptials, marriage or anything associated with the union of couples. I don't blame my parents fully, as I too have witness many failed marriages among my friends. It is not surprising that divorce rates have soared over the years as more people find they no longer share the same views and leave their partners in hopes of finding 'the right one'.
My parents are from the generation who believe that marriage should last forever and no shame is to be brought to their family name. My father has in many ways made positive differences for others but discriminated towards my mother for years. I feel hollow inside for the absence of a loving environment at home. I fear to feel the emptiness in my mother's heart for the absence of love and affection from my father. I encourage her to fill her days with fun activities and travels. But deep down, I know she yearns for the love and attention from my father.
A person is a human being before all else. Then it is differentiated by gender, followed by status. Most would agree that what is accorded to strangers or friends should never be similar to family members. Maybe that's where the love-hate comes in, I detest him for how he treats my mother, but love him because he has been a responsible father in providing shelter, food and education to his children. And that for him is love.
Cheers.
