Where do I belong?

This post is a sensitive subject matter.. One can only opine from experiences and observations..as do I. And so before I continue, this post is only of my personal and humble views. Please excuse my ignorance if my post is inaccurate. Everything, like science, is subject to testings and debate before acceptance.

Growing up in a family where religion, traditions, and culture practice is sometimes incomplete, one can only wonder what all these practices are about? As kids, we watch, observe, follow and execute as told. No one really questioned, and no one answered. It was a norm. It was a frequent practice to pray to deities and seek help and solutions when things would go south or when we wanted to avoid things going south. As the years passed, through awareness and observations, my mind became more open and receptive to learning from others. What harm would it do anyway when all religions share similar teachings of doing no wrongs to all.

The universe works in mysterious ways, what goes around does come back around.. Karma according to some.. The law of attraction to others.. And finally to most, you reap what you sow.. I've attended numerous services; in churches, temples and other places of worship. During many travels abroad, I only needed to spend some alone time in a place of worship to feels its tranquility. Service need not be ongoing, as I can sit in the halls and soak in the peace and prayers that people have offered to their respective God. I believed that God is a manifestation of many religions.. Did I get that right? I want to say that God appears in different images to people of different faiths, resulting in writings of the Bible, the Quran, the Torah, the Buddhist & Hindu vedas and sutras, the Kitab-i-Iqdas, and the likes. 

Over the years, I've noticed my sway towards being agnostic as I began to question a lot of practices of my own. I fully accept that there is a higher supreme being that is with us on earth and unseen by most mortal creatures like us. This questioning led me to attending services from other faiths to understand what they had to offer. Minus all the travels and visits in other countries over the years, I've attended services in churches and prayed in Chinese and Hindu temples last year. I've attended talks by famous Buddhist monks to fully comprehend that Buddhism is not a religion as most would think, but a way of life. A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian and basically anyone can be a Buddhist if they want to. To add depth, a church also need not have a cross placed to be accepted as a place of worship, as the church can be anywhere a Christian chooses to pray, even in his/her heart.

This year, I've entered the compound surrounding a mosque; this was also because I brought a friend over for his prayer. Through this friend, I've learned some teachings of the Quran. Due to my curious nature of wanting to know more for knowledge sake, I've researched further on the Islamic religion. I believe this isn't a chance encounter as I have felt much calmness in hearing his reasonings of his faith. While the holy month of Ramadan has just passed with Muslims celebrating the Idul Fitri, I was fortunate to have observed the fasting month. This is the second year I've done so and both years have provided me time to reflect during the holy month; a much needed time as I'm transitioning between jobs/career and in personal life journey as well. One is able to think clearer, albeit me getting colder easier because I didn't have food or drinks to keep me warm during the fasting hours.

I also learned that after the Ramadan month, when one continues to fast for another six days during the Syawal month, the person would've been considered to have fasted for a full calendar year. There are still so much more to learn from this faith. But one apparent virtue that everyone can benefit from is patience. I've become calmer as a result of researching and learning about the faith, this was also partially due to the reflection during the fasting month. Perhaps this has something to do with transition from my 20s to now mid 30s. With the calmness, I still have lots of positive energy and the go-getter attitude. So much to offer to the world!

I like what this newfound knowledge has to offer. And so I'm opening my doors to conversion to another faith, and at the moment it is to Islam. I'm not saying it's a sure thing but I am considering it. I'm not knocking down the past practices but I used to question more of what I did that accepting it.

I spoke of being lost and questioning my religious practices to my partner many a times, but somehow it was never taken seriously. Maybe he was too busy with work, maybe he chose to not listen; to which I later found that his past relationship left him bitter in a somewhat similar experience. His ex was also questioning her religious practices and looking for a way to clear the air of confusion. I won't go into details as to why they went separate ways but I believe religion was not the main issue. And so, when I casually mentioned this to him, he seemed offended, if not angry. He couldn't accept me becoming religious, to say the least, apprehensive of becoming a Muslim. Having been through and seeing his own sister convert to Islam, I would expect him to understand. Just a couple of months ago, he convinced me that we would have a life together but the impression I now get is that things may now stand to change if the Islam religion is adopted. I actually find it hypocritical because he has never practice his faith fervently. So how can he so quick to draw a conclusion from what our relationship could gain from this? I now feel sad because my partner cannot accept me wanting to be closer to my spiritual side, regardless of the faith that I choose to adopt in the future... Where do I go from here? 

Cheers.